Twelve Months

Yesterday marked 12 months since She passed from this physical earth.

It’s been the longest, hardest twelve months I’ve ever been through. I wish I could say I’ve healed, but to be brutally honest with myself. I really haven’t healed that much. All I’ve really done is mask the hurt, or hidden from it. I want to be better. I want to be OK. I want to be able to think back with fond memories and not cry for Her.

I can’t. The only way I cope is to block Her from my heart and mind. I block Her beautiful children and Her most special, gifted grand-daughter from my mind and I hide away somewhere in a fantasy where She doesn’t exist. That way I don’t have to go through that pain. It’s an extremely selfish way to live, but if I don’t do it that way, I know I will slowly die from grief.

I need to live. I need to give Love. I can’t grieve and give Love at the same time. At least, that’s how I think I feel. I mean, I have been really happy for some time now, but that’s because I haven’t allowed myself to think of Her, or my past life before that August day last year. When I do, I fall again. And I don’t want to be in that dark place anymore. I want to live and Love again.

I’ve been told it takes a long long time to ‘get over’ something like this. I guess I’ve been trying to rush the process. I’m just all fucked up and trying desperately to not be. I don’t know anything really.

I Did Write in the About Page.

On my new blog. There is a ugly pikcha too: http://invivarum.Wordpress.com

Touring Around a bit

Hey all
I had the chance to revisit a bit more of my old tramping/walkabout ground yesterday. I had to run a 22 seat Toyota Coaster bus down to Cape Tribulation via the ‘Bloomfield Track’. Once there, I was to swap over into a 9 seat Commuter & bring it back to Cooktown.
Now, back in 1984, after the protests failed & the road was dozed through, I vowed never to drive on it. I would walk it, but as my own personal, weird, damned hippy way, I wasn’t gunna drive it.
Well, now that I’ve broken my personal vow, I have to say that it is a pretty interesting drive.
I must relate a little anecdote. I had 7 passengers. The first was in Cookie. An older lady. Before I got to say good morning, she asked, “Can you tell me why I was told to be here by 06:45 because the bus departs at 7 am & it is now 07:20?”
I replied politely, “I have no idea ma’am. Perhaps there was a miscommunication between myself & the office.”
“I shall find out when I get home” she replied.
Anyway, we headed off to Ayton & Wujal Wujal to pick up the rest of my charges.
The road to Cape Tribulation has some *extremely steep climbs and descents*. For example, on the first ascent, I had to drop from third to second & then within 20 metres, a quick flick of the gear stick down & to the left to grab first before I lost momentum and gave everyone whiplash.
The change went smooth & we climbed the rest of the hill feeling like a space shuttle crew on launch. I guess the steepest sections are about 30 degrees? Thankfully the real steep sections are laid with currogated concrete to prevent drastic erosion & extremely dangerous conditions for the unwary.
One of the decents was so steep that I had my left foot bracing my body & while my right played with the brake. I had to stay in 3rd to balance between the foot brakes & the exhaust brake. But all went smooth as. I gently walked the bus over the creek crossings and cruised at about 50kmh on the straight & clear ridge sections.
We arrived at PK’s at Cape Trib safe & sound. The older lady said as she alighted from the bus, “Thank you very much for your experienced and skillful driving. I’ve had some shocking drivers before.”
So there ya go. I wonder what she’d of thought if she’d known it was the first time I’d driven between Wujal & Cape *before* we left? 🙂
I swapped over & had an empty minibus, so I could stop and check stuff out.
First up, I couldn’t go back to Cape Trib without taking a photo of the beach.

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This is looking North along the beach. Cape Tribulation itself is behind my left shoulder. Literally. You can’t see it. There are a plethora of ‘Cape’ pics around. But this one is a memory:
Thirty years ago this year, I was an 18 year old kid, wandering Far North Queensland, discovering me.
At the Northern end of this beach, almost where that saddle is, was a rough track that went up over the ridge & down, then continued along ridges and coastal flats & mountains, all the way to Wujal Wujal. The track was dozed back, if memory serves, in the late sixties or early seventies. By 1982 the track was no more than a walking track. In places it was almost completely overgrown.
The next few pics are of crossings & hills on the track & some nature
🙂

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A Night Out Watching My Mates Catch Fish

I got talked into going fishing, instead of sleeping yesterday arvo. I’m glad I did go. I took the dogs too, down to Our beach.
I played with the dogs & my friends fished. S, caught the first and biggest. She pulled in a 65cm, really healthy Barra. Then, through the night they caught four fingermark in the 50cm plus range. Watched a nice sunset, and moonrise.

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Midway through the night, one of the boys hooked what at first thought was shark. But it turned out to be a protected QLD Grouper. I managed to get one photo with torch light before it swam off  after being freed from the hook. To give you an idea of its size, That mouth opening would easily fit your foot in sideways. The mouth is about 30cm across. It was bigger than the carcass in the second photo. I found that on the beach a few weeks back.

1.5m 50kg est. QLD Grouper.

1.5m 50kg est. QLD Grouper.

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A QLD Grouper carcass found on Walker Bay beach, near Cooktown QLD.

A QLD Grouper carcass found on Walker Bay beach, near Cooktown QLD.

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Something To Look At – A Diversion Of Sorts

A few years ago I owned a couple of decent DSLRs. One was a Konica Minolta Dynax 5D. Then I added a Sony A200 to my kit after Minolta sold their camera technology to the Audio giant. Anyway, I don’t have them anymore…
Here are a few of the tens of thousands of images I took with those two cameras.
The images may appear degraded. It’s a price paid with jpg files. The more you save, resize etc, the further the image degrades due to the ‘lossy’ nature of the filetype. Check it out on Google for an explanation if you’re curious 😉 I also had to copy them off the site to my phone, then post to my blog through my phone.
Oh, and if you’re curious about the stories behind any of these images, please dive over to http://www.redbubble.com/people/gryphonn
All is explained with each image over there. The images are far better quality there too.

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Where the hell have you been?

All over. These two beautiful people took me in for Christmas Day in Townsville.

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If you recall from  Part 1 of my Christmas trip, I got into the City about 3am. It was around 9 or 10 when I realised I wouldn’t get a lift South anytime soon. I was also getting a bit smelly & bloody tired, so I took Amber (@boogyrl) up on her offer of a shower, feed & a bed to crash in for a few hours. That’s Amber in the top pic.
When I woke up, Amber & I were lamenting about how quiet our respective Christmas Days were going. Then Tash (19georgiegirl74) turned up with a beautiful Christmas lunch & a beer each! So, we ended up having an excellent afternoon…to be continued…

This my Grand-daughter 🙂  on Boxing Day. I have no idea where the other pics went 😦

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I promise to continue this journal of a journey in greater depth. But I have another post in my head. For now, I just want to put this up as a big thankyou to Amber & Tash. Luv you Girlz 🙂 & you Ella Rose 🙂

A Diversion to The Lions Den

We decided on a whim to hit the Lions Den Hotel on Friday night. The plan was to play the pool comp,but when we phoned they said they weren’t running one. However, we were invited to run one if we were coming. So we loaded our sleeping gear and the esky into Denise’ van & and headed off down the highway. We stopped off at the Black Mountain car park for a quick photo  & kept rolling…

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Twenty minutes later we rolled in and parked up at our ‘usual’ spot down near the creek & set up our air beds & stuff.
We only managed to get one other person into the comp,so instead of playing for the pot, we all decided the money should go to drinks instead 🙂
We got yarning to some Bama friends,and then a few more friends rolled in as well.
As the night wore on I had to head down to the camp because the dogs were going off and waking up the tourists. I decided to hang down there for a bit until they settled. When I got back up to the pub it was slowing down,so back to the camp we went.
We had an excellent night of fun & frivolity with some of the locals, eventually pouring ourselves into our beds at about 3am.
The one big decision of the night?
Sea turtle tattoo soon. My totem.
Oh, when I opened my eyes,the photo below was my view…the trunk on that tree is over nearly a metre in diameter.

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Some of our friends & us at the pool table.

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Just a Friday photo

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Apologies for the poor quality. I have but a 3meg mobile phone camera.

It Has Been a Mad Fortnight-Part One

Well, I’ve hitched a few thousand kilometres and had a big week in Rockhampton, and a huge New Years Eve back in Cooktown.

So I should tell you about it and thank the friends, family and random people who helped me along the way.

It all started during a long, sleepless Wednesday night/Thursday morning two days before before Christmas. I had planned on staying in Cooktown for the duration & heading down after New Year, but I got pining for family…

Thursday 23 December 2011

I sorted out my pack with a minimal change of clothes & my toothbrush etc. I made sure I had socks & me walking boots & some basic first aid too. And plenty of undies. The plan was to hitch out at about three in the arvo. Then I got drinking with the crew 😉 . At about 7:30 in the evening I rang my mate Alan, who owns Country Road Coachlines. His business services the Cooktown district, as well as Laura and Weipa. It happened that he was running a special to Cairns in the morning for a bunch of the Banana farmers, and was happy for me to jump on in the morning.

Jazz, Maddy, McGee after a big night

Jazz, Maddy, McGee after a big night

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This pic is of Jazz, Maddy & McGee the morning after. We had managed about 2 hours sleep between 5 and 7am. The night was also a farewell for Maddy as she scored a job with AAT Kings out at Uluru/Yulara. We love you Maddy & miss your guts 🙂

Friday 24 December 2011

So, on Christmas eve at about 9am, with ten bucks & half a pack of rollies & my backpack & boots, I jumped on the bus & headed to Cairns.

We got into Cairns about one-thirty in the afternoon.
Alan, the owner of Country Road Coachlines dropped me out to the Southside of Cairns near Sheridan Plaza, and gave me $100 as an early Christmas present. Thx mate 🙂

That got me some smokes & a feed to start with. Oh, if you haven’t eaten Hungry Jacks for a while, the burgers seriously taste like a handful of fat. Bleh…

I started off down the highway & a nice girl stopped & picked me up. I thought it a bit strange until a 4wd pulled in behind her carrying more of her family 🙂
She took me to Gordonvale & said if I got to talk to one of the blokes from Troncs transport, I should mention her because her husband works for them & I should be able to get a ride to at least Innisfail.
I walked out to the other side of the Mulgrave River to a good hitching spot and stuck out my finger.
After about an hour or so I got a lift with two gentlemen who were heading to Mission Beach for Christmas. We had a great yarn about spirituality, and they gave me some beautiful mangoes to take with me. They dropped at the North side of Innisfail & I headed off to the other side of town.

I stood at the turn-off for hours without a lift and decided to hike out to the BP servo, about four kilometres further out. However,it was closed when I got out there. There was a caravan park just up the road, so I waited there in the hope someone might pick me up.
It was getting close to midnight by the time someone stopped. Four folk in a magna had been heading to Cairns from Townsville earlier in the afternoon & had seen me. They were on their way back & stopped for me. So, after an enjoyable ride,we arrived in Townsville about 3am Christmas morning…
To be continued…

The Photos I promised

These pics are associated with my previous post.

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