You

I don’t want anything. I don’t want a DSLR. I don’t want a laptop. I don’t want another car. I don’t want any fucking thing. I want you back. I want to see you smile. Hear you laugh. I want smell your scent. I want to hold while we drift off to sleep. I want to sit with you at sunrise. I want to watch you paint. Or weave vines. I want to watch you as you walk the beach, throwing a stick for Jack. I want to see that look you used to get when you were surrounded by your children. It was a different look. I want hear you say “Hi Bloss” to your grand-daughter again. I want to hear your voice. I want to feel your touch.
Remember how we discussed who should go first (when we were 90 something)? Well, you weren’t supposed to go. You’re stronger than me. You were supposed to deal with this. But you know. I’m glad it wasn’t me because I couldn’t stand to see you feel the way I do. Remember when He took Loren from you? This feels worse. Remember when we found Mum? This is worse.
Remember when we talked about those horrible, horrible things that happened to both of us as kids? This is far worse.
The worst part though, is that I don’t think this physical hurt will stop. I try to think of all the good/fun things we shared as people keep reminding me to do, because that is supposed to ease the pain. But it always comes back to the cold truth and hurting, because you’re not here to share those beautiful memories with.
I will always love you. I will always miss you. You will always be inside my heart and soul.
I wish you were here my beautiful lady. I miss your love, your beauty & your honesty, and I really need you because I’m not very strong without you. I’m not much of anything without you really.

I love you Tina. I hope I made you as happy as you did me, and I wish I could have made you healthy again.

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8 Comments

  1. bob said,

    February 27, 2012 at 1:40 am

    I miss my Damn Aussie Phoenix…….

    she has left a hole in my soul too……..

    her loss has made me realize how much some people can touch you internally and you not even know it…and I’m thousands of miles away….

    I hurt with you Brad…. may we all keep her memory alive by being as good in spirit as she was……….

    Peace and my best Brad,,,,

    Bob..

    • Brad said,

      February 27, 2012 at 2:20 am

      I know my friend. She loved you & ‘her boys’ as she used to say. You were her special one though. She always talked about getting you here, or us over there…

      • bob said,

        February 27, 2012 at 3:00 am

        and what makes it all so fresh is that I’m seeing others with same issues..just the other day a famous montreal baseball player passed from it…at skool a guys friend has a lump in head…

        and even my C is one that goes to brain at times too..

        its one of those odd things where you hear 0 about it…then all of a sudden its everywhere…and in your face too…

        • Brad said,

          February 27, 2012 at 5:42 am

          Yep. It’s just not right. Have a friend in West Aust. who is dealing with both parents & a step-parent with different cancers. She beat cancer herself once.

  2. February 27, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Hang in there hippy mate,painwill not go away but tina lives in you mate

  3. Macca said,

    February 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    I hear you my best mate forever, I also still feel the pain, we love you Aunty Tina only wish you were still here. I gota wipe these tears away now and try get back to my job, we love you brother. R.I.P my dearly missed Aunty. I can remember when we went over to Vicki’s house when Tina gave me that big long kiss on the cheek like it was yesterday I won’t forget that xoxoxo

  4. GOF said,

    March 3, 2012 at 8:12 am

    I have no life experience which will help me understand what you are going through at the moment Brad so I will not pretend to give helpful advice beyond saying that my thoughts are with you and I hope you you will look after yourself in honor of Tina’s memory.


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