20 Days

(9-11-2011) Twenty days and I haven’t done much. Friends took me out on Saturday night, but I’ve barely left the house other than to buy beer or rent DVDs.
One thing I did do is look through her art.
I’ll take some photos and post them below.
Most of you know that Floyd our pup got run over by a Jeep Cherokee on Sunday. He was sleeping under the car when it was moved. We’re guessing his front legs and chest got run over. I was asleep when it happened. Dragon had to blow air into his lungs to reinflate them. For the first 36 hours it was touch and go. Floyd couldn’t lie down without help and his chest was that sore that we couldn’t pick him up. After 48 hours he started to improve a bit. By Wednesday he was well enough that I could carry him. The vet was in town so I took him across the road for a check up. The vet checked him over and recommended an x-ray as he was concerned about a diaphragmatic hernia. Apparently it is common in these type of injuries. Anyway, I left the vet $70 poorer, but Floyd is vaccinated and wormed. Actually, I’m not poorer. My mate who ran him over insisted on paying for any expenses. It’s now Thursday (22 days?) and Floyd has his pep back, but he is still sore in the belly. Hopefully he hasn’t got a hernia because I can’t afford to take him to Mossman or Cairns, let alone pay for x-rays etc as well. I’m not going to burden my friend with potentially thousands in vet bills either.

What have I been doing besides losing sleep? Oh, that’s because Dragon and I took it in shifts to stay awake with Floyd for four days. Well, mainly i’ve been watching DVDs and cooking food. I have cut back to about 3 Sparkling Ales a day which is good. My sleep patterns are all over the shop too. I slept between 2pm and 5pm today. I keep making grand plans to go outside and see people, or tidy up the car, but I just can’t get motivated & I refuse to climb out of my comfort zone at the moment. I am acutely aware of how fragile my emotions are and I just can’t see friends I haven’t visited as yet. Especially those I used to work with. Sometimes I wonder if the next time I fall apart, will I be able to get back up.
I can see the signs of reactive depression emerging already; insomnia, then when you do sleep you don’t want to get out of bed when you wake, no interest in thing that I would normally find fun, and no motivation to do fuck all.
I know it’s happening and I’ll keep it under control without chemical big pharma anti-depressants.
One of my daughters told me, when I was in Rockhampton, that she felt like she was just waiting for mum to turn up. She just couldn’t allow herself to deal with her not coming back. I catch myself sometimes. I’ll think of something and for a split second will remember to tell my baby about it. That hurts.
I didn’t take those pics of her art. Next time.

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7 Comments

  1. November 10, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    I have luckily never lost a partner, but I have lost my Dad, and there is never a day that goes by that I don’t think of him. In the beginning I really did have such a sense that he was with me. I think he was, until I grew stronger and was able to cope a little more. I have no wisdom for you, just go with your own needs and wants, but take care of you too.

    • Brad said,

      November 11, 2011 at 5:05 am

      Thankyou. I am coping sort of ;o)

  2. Big Sister Roz said,

    November 10, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    There is no time limit for grieving lovely brother. You’re allowed to wallow in your sadness … withdraw from the world and cry and yell and do whatever it takes to heal. Don’t feel guilty about grieving. Let it happen. There is no right or wrong way to do it.

    Just try to remember, through it all, that you are loved – very much.

    • Lil Sis said,

      November 10, 2011 at 11:18 pm

      Exactly what Big Sister said!!!
      Luv ya loads,
      Lil Sis xoxo

  3. bob said,

    November 11, 2011 at 1:13 am

    One day at a time brad….

    sadness is a hard road to cross…..
    you must take it at your own speed.

    and I’m sorry to hear about puppy….

    hope he recovers ..

    be well my friend..bob.

  4. GOF said,

    November 11, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Take care of yourself and go with the flow of whatever healing process best suits you. And look after young Floyd….I hope he heals naturally and fully recovers from his injuries.

    • Brad said,

      November 11, 2011 at 3:20 pm

      Thx Gof. Floyd is healing nicely. He’s already hassling old Jack again.


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